Saturday, January 10, 2026
Summary
President Trump declared the USA sent 'lots of boats' to Greenland 500 years ago, conveniently before the USA even existed. History, *who*?
Full Story
🧩 Simple Version
So, picture this: Our very own President, a character named Donny (who may or may not be wearing a captain's hat indoors), stood up at the White House, probably near a very confused potted plant.
He then boldly announced that his country, the good ol' U.S. of A., had sent oodles of boats to a place called Greenland about five centuries ago. Boing!
The only tiny, itty-bitty, giggle-inducing problem? The U.S. of A. was, like, totally not a thing yet back then. It was still in the cosmic blueprint stage, probably dreaming of bald eagles and apple pie.
🎭 The Giggle Spin
It was a press conference, but it felt more like a clown car exploded in a history museum! President Trump, with the gravitas of a squirrel explaining advanced physics, asserted that the United States had a clandestine, pre-birth navy sailing the icy seas to Greenland 500 years ago.
Can you imagine? Tiny, invisible American ghost-ships, manned by spirit-pilgrims, bravely battling imaginary icebergs, all while the continent they'd one day form was still just a twinkle in a cartographer's eye. HONK!
He essentially argued that if Denmark gets to keep Greenland because some ancient boat landed there, then his ancient, non-existent American boats should surely count for something! It's the geopolitical equivalent of a toddler claiming the moon because they once saw it from their crib.
✅ Giggle Reality Check
Alright, let's untangle this spaghetti of temporal absurdity. During a recent address at the White House, President Donald J. Trump made a rather... unique historical claim.
While discussing Denmark's ownership of Greenland, he stated, "I'm sure we had lots of boats go there also" roughly 500 years ago. The crucial, slightly inconvenient historical fact, however, is that the United States of America did not exist as a country 500 years ago.
At that time, the land that would become the U.S. was inhabited by various Indigenous peoples, and European exploration of the Americas was just beginning. His argument seemed to imply that if old boat landings determine sovereignty, then the U.S. itself, being settled by European boats, might also be "up for grabs."
"I’m a big fan of Denmark, they’ve been very nice to me. But the fact they had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn’t mean they own the land. I’m sure we had lots of boats go there also." - Donald J. Trump (Source: White House Address)
😂 Why This Is Hilarious
This situation is a masterclass in unintentional comedy, where basic historical timelines take a comedic beating. It's like saying your pet hamster invented the internet because it once walked across your keyboard.
The audacity of a nation claiming pre-emptive naval supremacy from a time before its own formation is truly chef's kiss absurd, reminding us that sometimes, reality is funnier than fiction.