Monday, December 15, 2025
Summary
Trump grants Lumbee Tribe federal recognition via defense bill after their election support. Other tribes fume as their bills get sidelined. CHAOS!
Full Story
🧩 The Simple Version
So, like, President Trump, who usually likes to poke Native American tribes with a stick made of bad budget proposals, suddenly decided to be nice to the Lumbee Tribe from North Carolina. Why? Because they totally voted for him and helped him win! Shocking, right? So, he told Congress, "Hey, give these guys the VIP pass to federal recognition!" And BAM! It's going into a big ol' defense bill, making the Lumbees official, like, officially official, while a bunch of other tribes who didn't help Trump are left scratching their heads and wondering where their own tribal recognition bills went. It’s like getting a gold star for cheering for the right person, while everyone else gets sent to detention.
The Giggle Spin
Hold onto your war bonnets, folks! In a move that blindsided absolutely no one who has ever paid attention to politics, Donald J. Trump, the guy who once tried to build a wall around a sacred burial ground, has decided to bestow the ultimate prize: FULL FEDERAL RECOGNITION! Poof! The Lumbee Tribe of North Carolina, who apparently have a direct hotline to Trump’s ego because they really liked him in the election (like, a LOT), are now on the fast track to official-dom. It's all happening via a defense bill, because apparently, making tribes official is as important as buying more missiles. Meanwhile, other tribes are probably standing outside the White House with picket signs made of leftover campaign buttons, while Senators who didn't get the Trump memo are throwing their tribal recognition bills into the wind like confetti. HONK HONK!
Giggle Reality Check
Okay, okay, let’s dial down the glitter bombs. President Trump, who has historically been tough on tribal funding and land protections, has indeed prioritized full federal recognition for the Lumbee Tribe. This wasn't a random act of kindness; the Lumbee Tribe, a significant group of about 55,000 members, overwhelmingly supported Trump in the 2024 election, even featuring their chairman with Trump Jr. on social media. In response, a provision granting the Lumbee Tribe this long-sought recognition – which they've pursued since 1888 and which provides access to crucial federal funding – was added to a sweeping defense bill. This legislative maneuver, while beneficial to the Lumbee, has drawn criticism. Dozens of other federally recognized tribes oppose this, viewing it as a political reward. Furthermore, North Carolina's senators have been accused of blocking other tribes' legislative priorities to force through the Lumbee recognition, leading to frustration and a feeling of being held hostage. While some argue the Lumbee deserve recognition regardless of politics, others, like Senator Lisa Murkowski, noted disappointment that other important tribal bills (like one addressing the legacy of Indian boarding schools) were not included in the defense package.
Why This Is Hilarious
It’s a prime example of the universe’s cosmic joke where loyalty is rewarded with legislative favors, and sometimes, the most critical defense bills become a glorified shopping list for presidential pet projects. This whole kerfuffle highlights how easily political support can bypass established processes, leaving a trail of other tribes wondering if their own legitimate needs are just collateral damage in the game of political favors.