Tuesday, December 23, 2025
Summary
White House demands Smithsonian swap 'sad history' for 'sparkle-history' or risk losing its federal piggy bank, causing academic *gasps* nationwide.
Full Story
🧩 Simple Version
Imagine President Donald Trump, our main character, looking at the Smithsonian like it's a giant, dusty old attic full of stuff. He probably thought,
“Too many frowny faces! Not enough pizzazz!”
The museum folks, led by Secretary Lonnie Bunch III (looking utterly bewildered), were likely thinking, “But… history isn't always rainbow sprinkles!” However, the White House wants sparkle, or poof! goes the funding! It’s like a cosmic temper tantrum over facts!
The Giggle Spin
Dramatic trumpet fanfare! The White House, in a move that can only be described as “cosmic-level micromanagement,” has declared war on... dust bunnies of historical discontent! President Trump, reportedly after watching a particularly somber documentary about, well, anything, decided the Smithsonian was
“out of control” and “too gloomy!”
He dispatched his dynamic duo, Haley and Vought, like a pair of budget-wielding, history-scrubbing superheroes, to demand the museum replace all mentions of “slavery” with “really enthusiastic teamwork” and “downtrodden” with “people who just haven't found their lucky socks yet!” They want all the internal memos, future plans, and maybe even the Smithsonian gift shop's receipts for novelty Abraham Lincoln hats. HONK!
The Smithsonian, a venerable institution (it probably smells faintly of old books and existential dread), meekly handed over some papers, but it wasn't enough! The White House declared,
“This fell far short! We need more sparkle! More jazz hands for history!”
Giggle Reality Check
Okay, let's peel back the banana peel of absurdity for a moment. The Trump administration, specifically White House Domestic Policy Council Director Vince Haley and Budget Chief Russ Vought, did indeed send a rather stern letter to Smithsonian Secretary Lonnie Bunch III.
The administration believes the Smithsonian is veering into
“ideological indoctrination or divisive narratives”
This executive order tasked aides with reviewing content for anything deemed “anti-American propaganda.” The White House initially requested a mountain of documents back in August, including gallery labels, exhibition plans, and internal communications about artwork. However, they deemed the Smithsonian's September submission “fell far short.”
The Smithsonian now has until January 13th, 2026, to hand over even more detailed documents, including organizational charts and curatorial manuals. Secretary Bunch confirmed he would share information, citing a previous government shutdown for delays. However, museum ethics expert Janet Marstine called the demands an “impossible task” given the sheer volume and tight timeframe.
Why This Is Hilarious
This whole kerfuffle is a cosmic joke because it's like demanding a meteorologist only report sunny days or else they lose their funding. History, by its very nature, isn't always a feel-good montage. The idea that an administration can dictate the “positive view” of complex historical events, especially regarding topics like slavery, from a scientific and academic institution, is inherently absurd.
It's a clash between a desire for a curated, rosy narrative and the messy, nuanced reality that museums are meant to preserve and present, creating a truly giggle-worthy bureaucratic showdown. It's almost as if they want history to wear a tiny hat and dance! Boing!