Sunday, December 21, 2025
Summary
The Justice Department released Epstein files, but they're mostly black rectangles. Congress is HONK-ing mad. It's a redacted party!
Full Story
🧩 Simple Version
So, imagine the Justice Department, right? They had a big stack of important papers about a certain Mr. Epstein and his island full of shenanigans. Congress, like a nosy neighbor, said, "Hey, open those files up, we wanna see everything!"
But when the DOJ finally dropped the papers, it was less "open book" and more "mystery novel where all the interesting bits are scribbled out with a giant permanent marker." Scribble, scribble, scribble!
One whole document, 119 pages, was basically a solid black void. Representative Ro Khanna, who helped make the "open files" law, stomped his foot and yelled, "That's not how this works! You didn't even explain why you drew all over them!"
The Giggle Spin
In a thrilling episode of "Government Gone Wild," the Justice Department decided to play a high-stakes game of "Invisible Ink & Disappearing Documents!"
They proudly presented the much-anticipated Jeffrey Epstein files, only for them to resemble a child's art project where the child really liked the color black. We're talking more black than a villain's cape on a moonless night!
Representative Ro Khanna, a man who clearly expected words and information, stared in disbelief at what looked like a stack of advanced Rorschach tests. "HONK!" he probably thought, as his hopes for transparency evaporated like a puddle in the desert.
Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi was likely somewhere, polishing her "World's Best Redactor" trophy, while Massie clutched his forehead and whispered, "They literally just gave us a stack of shadows!"
Giggle Reality Check
The Justice Department recently released a trove of documents related to Jeffrey Epstein, but these files contained extensive redactions. This move has drawn significant criticism from members of Congress.
Representative Ro Khanna (D-CA) stated that the redactions do not comply with a new law he co-authored, which mandated the full disclosure of these documents. He highlighted one specific 119-page file from a New York grand jury that was entirely blacked out, noting that the law requires explanations for such redactions, which were absent.
Khanna believes these heavily redacted documents likely contain information implicating other influential individuals who were involved in or witnessed abuse on Epstein's private island. He, along with Representative Thomas Massie (R-KY), accused Attorney General Pam Bondi of "obfuscating" and failing to comply with the spirit and letter of the law.
Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche explained that many redactions were made to protect the identities of approximately 1,200 victims or their relatives. However, Khanna and Massie are now considering drafting articles of impeachment or inherent contempt against Attorney General Pam Bondi due to what they perceive as obstruction of justice.
Why This Is Hilarious
It's utterly comical because the government was told, "Show us the secrets!" and their response was basically, "No, but here's a stack of black paper you can admire!"
It's like asking for a detailed map of a treasure island and being handed a blank piece of parchment. You just know there's something juicy under all that ink, which only makes the absurdity even funnier.
The idea of Congress threatening impeachment over a literal blank document is peak bureaucratic farce, proving once again that some mysteries are best left… completely unreadable.