Monday, December 8, 2025
Summary
FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino blamed his pipe bomb 'inside job' theories on being 'paid for opinions' and vowed to return to that space...eventually.
Full Story
🧩 Simple Version
So, like, this FBI guy, Bongino, used to be a commentator dude who thought those pipe bombs from way back were a government inside job. Now that he's like, a real FBI person, a news guy asked him about his old wacky theories. Bongino basically said, 'Uh, that was when I was paid for opinions, duh! But maybe I'll do it again someday when they pay me again!' Wink wink nudge nudge.
The Giggle Spin
HONK HONK! Breaking news from the Giggling Bureau of Investigation! FBI Deputy Director Dan "The Conspiracy Connoisseur" Bongino, formerly of the "Paid Opinions" department (a highly classified division involving tin foil hats and extra-large coffee mugs), has officially declared that his past pronouncements of the pipe bomb incident being a dastardly "inside job" were merely a... product of his employment. It's like a magician admitting the rabbit was always in his sleeve, but only when the spotlight's off! He claims his current gig involves 'facts,' but then winked conspiratorially and added he might return to his 'opinion-paid' ways. So, basically, he's a clown car parked precariously on the tightrope of federal law enforcement, occasionally tossing out actual facts while dreaming of a return to the Big Top of wild speculation. Boing!
Giggle Reality Check
In a truly bizarre turn, FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino, who previously peddled conspiracy theories about the 2019 pipe bomb attacks being an "inside job" and a government "cover-up," attempted to backtrack. When confronted by Sean Hannity about these past claims, Bongino stated he was "paid in the past... for my opinions" and that his current role at the FBI is based on "facts." However, he coyly added, "one day I will be back in that space," implying a potential return to his speculative commentary once his FBI tenure is complete. This statement comes despite his repeated assertions of these theories even after joining the FBI.
Why This Is Hilarious
It's hilarious because Bongino's excuse is the equivalent of a chef blaming a bad meal on the ingredients, after serving it! He's essentially admitting his past wild theories were just a job, while simultaneously hinting he's saving his best conspiracy theories for his next gig. The idea that an FBI Deputy Director can just switch off his belief in government cover-ups like a faulty lightbulb is peak absurdity.