DOJ's 'Oopsie-Daisy' Button: They Accidentally-on-Purpose Released Epstein Files, Then *Immediately* Yelled 'FAKE NEWS!' About Trump!

The Giggle Spin

So, the Department of Justice, presumably powered by lukewarm coffee and existential dread, just yeeted another 10 gigabytes of Epstein documents into the digital abyss! This wasn't just a release; it was a digital confetti cannon of secrets, launching 30,000 pages right at our collective eyeballs!

Then, before anyone could even finish brewing their conspiracy theory tea, the DOJ’s official X (formerly Twitter) account started screaming into the void about how any claims against President Trump were totally, absolutely, 100% false and unfounded.

It was like they dropped a priceless vase, then immediately pointed at a suspiciously innocent-looking badger and yelled, "IT WAS THE BADGER! THE BADGER DID IT!" The sheer audacity!

They never did this for anyone else named in the documents, making it sound like they had a personal alarm system that only blares for that one guy. GASP! The chaos! The selective outrage! The sheer, unadulterated panicked PR scramble!

Giggle Reality Check

The U.S. Department of Justice released a massive batch of approximately 11,000 new files, totaling nearly 30,000 pages, related to the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. This occurred following a previous incomplete release that drew significant criticism from victims' groups and lawmakers.

Immediately after dropping the digital bombshell, the DOJ posted on its official X (Twitter) account. They claimed that any "untrue and sensationalist claims" against President Donald Trump within these newly released documents were "unfounded and false."

They also notably added that such claims "certainly would have been weaponized" against him already if they had any shred of credibility. This marked the first time the DOJ offered such specific commentary on any individuals mentioned in the ongoing document releases.

The files themselves contained an internal email suggesting Trump flew on Epstein's private jet "many more times than previously has been reported." Additionally, an undated image of Trump with Ghislaine Maxwell was included in the release.

President Trump publicly voiced concerns at Mar-a-Lago, stating that the releases were a distraction from his administration's agenda and could "ruin reputations" of high-profile public figures who were "innocently" associated with Epstein. He even expressed sympathy for former President Bill Clinton, who was also pictured in earlier releases socializing with Epstein.

Former President Clinton, for his part, called on the DOJ to release all files mentioning him "immediately," criticizing their "piecemeal approach" as implying wrongdoing. Earlier, the DOJ had even temporarily removed, then restored, a photograph of Trump from its website, citing "an abundance of caution" before confirming no victims were depicted.

Why This Is Hilarious

Oh, the humanity! It's like watching a serious bureaucracy try to plug a colossal leaky dam with a single, brightly colored "NOT TRUE!" sign. The fact that the DOJ sprinted to defend one specific individual amidst a tidal wave of scandal documents, while everyone else gets to fend for themselves, is peak cosmic comedy.

It’s a masterclass in unintentional absurdity, proving that even solemn government institutions can accidentally perform the most exquisite slapstick. This article belongs squarely in the "Things That Make You Go Hmmm... and then giggle maniacally" file, perhaps right next to a rubber chicken.